Spittin' Image

(Monday morning)

Coworker: Shaina, I have to tell you what happened this weekend.
Shaina: Oh really, what?
Coworker: Well my stake got reorganized, and since I'm a branch president in the stake I got to go to a special meeting with the General Authorities who were doing the reorganizing.
Shaina: Wow, that's great.
Coworker: So I walk into the room and it's Elder Nelson of the 12 and Elder LeGrand Curtis of the 70. They both stand up to shake my hand and smile as I meet them. Well, the instant Elder Curtis smiled at me, the first thing I thought was "wow, he reminds me so much of Mike Burgoyne." Wierd huh?



You're telling me. Should I be worried that a an old man reminds him of my husband? Or complimented that he thinks my husband has a GA smile?



Elder LeGrand Curtis, Jr. of the 5th Quorum of the Seventy

My Book Buffet

This summer I worked my way through a 4 course meal of literature. Some courses I liked better than others, but overall it was very satisfying. Here is what I read:

Journey to the Center of the Earth (Jules Verne): Supposed to be one of the great forerunners to Science Fiction. I liked the idea, but couldn't get through all the scientific jargon to make it even to the half way point. It was like eating bran cereal; too much fiber and not enough taste to make it worth my time.

The Twilight Series (Stephanie Meyers): Yep, I gave in to peer pressure and read all 4 of them. It was a great way to pass the 30+ hours I spent in the car during 2 road trips. They weren't brilliant works of literature, but I was entertained. It was like eating grocery store birthday cake - good for the moment, no real nutritional value, and sometimes you can't take in too much in one sitting without getting sick, but you know that if it's around you're going to want a piece. And it's much better when it's shared with others.

Oliver Twist (Charles Dickens): Unfortunately, I approached this one with a bias, I already love Dickens. This was good, but not great. Really good characters, intriguing moral themes and brilliant social satire, but way wordy and a little far fetched. It's like how the casseroles I cook turn out: I worry so much about getting it right that I over do it and it ends up just tasting weird.

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, Vol 2 (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle): This was by far my favorite. It was well written, entertaining, explored different aspects of human nature, and I felt smarter after reading it (especially when I could start putting the solution together before Holmes!) And each story was short but fulfilling so I could either nibble a little or chow down as I wanted. It was perfectly flavored and in perfect proportions. It won't be long before I go back for a second helping.

You're a good man, Homer Simpson

In my office when someone has a birthday we all take an hour break and sit around eating cake and talking. Also in my office, there is one person who enjoys doing most of the talking. He happens to the be the boss too.

Today was someone's birthday. I ordered a lemon raspberry cake with cream cheese frosting. The boss told a 25 minute story about the remodel he's doing on his house.
This was my experience:

Boss story:




My train of thought:


Mmmm cream cheese frosting.

Seriously, that's exactly what was like.

An Inspiration

So I've been watching a lot of the Olympic Games. I mean many, many hours each day. Too much? Maybe, except that watching the athletes has kind of inspired me. So I decided today I was going to go all Michael Phelphs and swim laps in our apartment pool - just for the fun of it. (I even learned how to do the different strokes from the Internet. Yeah, I'm that bad).

I had previously checked that there was no one else around to watch me. I'm not ready for judges yet. So, I get all ready and head to the pool. When I get to the pool, however, I can't get in. It's locked for cleaning!

That's twice this summer that they closed the pool, but I didn't find out until I was already at the gate.

Don't these people know how much effort it takes for a woman to put on a swimsuit and go out in public wearing it? The mental strength! The emotional stability! The shaving!


I deserve a gold medal just for making it to the gate!

I might have some Gold Meadow Mint Chocolate in the freezer.... that's close enough for me!

Home Again

You know that uneasy feeling you get in the pit of your stomach on Sunday nights when you realize the next morning you have to go to work again? Coming home from vacation is like that - only worse.

You know the headache you get when you've just finished making a huge batch of cookies and you see all the mess that activity has caused that now needs to be cleaned up? Unpacking from vacation is like that - only worse.

You know the dizziness you feel when you stare too long at one of those "hidden 3-D image" pictures and still can't see the jumping dolphins or whatever? Sorting out the budget after a vacation is like that - only worse.

So with the uneasy stomach, headache, and dizziness coming home has caused, maybe I should stay in bed just one more day....right?

Cultural Insight

I try not to be one of those dorky missionaries who always talks about the cool places they were in and what they do, but....

Italians are very good at taking vacation. One holiday I particularly am in favor of is Ferragosto. Basically the whole country shuts down for the month of August and goes to the beach. I think the US can learn from this.

The official day of Ferragosto is August 15th. EVERYONE is gone that day. Most people show so much dedication to the purpose of the holiday (either the ascension of the Virgin Mary into heaven or the goddess Diana and her fertility depending on your research source) that they take at least the week and usually the month off of work.

Anyway, the point is, this week in August is dedicated to doing nothing but relaxing and having fun. We plan to celebrate this whole-heartedly as we leave for Colorado. (Not a beach, but whatever). We hope you do too in any way you can. Maybe we'll start a trend.

(reads: closed for holiday will reopen Friday August 24th. Maybe.)

Minutes taken from the Burgoyne Blog Planning/Writing Committee Meeting:

• Events of Note since last blog:
  - Noah (nephew) born - practical joker already by spending 10 days in NICU just for fun but home now.
  - Cousin Carolyn married, beautiful wedding and time with family was almost worth the 2 hour delay at the airport.
  - Mamma Burgoyne's visit. Much fun and much dessert!!
  - Papa (Mike's grandpa) passed away. Described as author of all that is silly and fun in the family. He's home now too.
  
  
• Accomplishments/Areas for Improvement:
  - Shaina finished spring cleaning the apartment. Mike being away on business made throwing out clutter a more efficient process.
  - While Mike was away he picked out a dress for Shaina all by himself. Correct size too. Under consideration for advancement to head of the Fashion Committee.
  - Meeting scheduled with Budget Committee to review need of driving versus need of eating.
  
  
• Upcoming Events:
  - Groves' family trip to Durango
  - Football Season
  

Runner 5313

I know many have been anticipating this... the results are finally in from the "big run" yesterday.

I was able to talk my brother and sister into running with me, which made it even more fun.

Here are the stats for the 5k:

Out of 219 runners...

Riley was 31st with a time of 23:48:8 (3rd out of 17 in his age group)

I was 69th with a time of 27:40:9 (7th out of 31 in my age group)

Carynn was 120th with a time of 32:20:3. (11th out of 24 in her age group)



I was just glad that being the first real race for all of us we at least crossed the finish line, but it's a little sweeter that none of us were even in the bottom 1/4 of the ranking!




Now that I am an expert in running, let me share some of the wisdom I've gained in the past 3 months:



- Good shoes really do make a world of difference.

- Waking up at 5:30 to run still sucks, even if you've been doing it for 3 months and it's the day before your race.

- Running outside is better in the morning when there aren't people around and it's not hot

- Running on a treadmill only works if there is something really good on tv to watch while you run.

- It really is the diet + exercise formula that works because even when you exercise 4 times a week, if you eat a lot of cupcakes, ice cream and cookies, your high school jeans still won't fit.

- Crossing the finish line is a great feeling, no matter what time it was at.


There are more races coming up in August and September, if anyone else wants to join in the fun!

Shaina's Spa and Resort

*Spa is only open on weekends when Mike is out of town and Shaina is left home alone on a Friday night and can only service one person (Shaina) per day.

Services include:

* scrumptious dinner of all salad and no meat
* complete facial with the exclusive exfoliating scrub with olive oil extractsfollowed by an avacado mud mask to purify and mosturize
* overnight hair repair treatment with a deep conditioner the next morning
* free showing of the best chic flics cable has to offer, ice cream optional (this week's movie of choice was Little Women)
* a luxurious queen size bed all to your self with no snoring or morning breath to bother you and no one else to steal the sheets

Also available: hot tub, pedicures/manicures and pilates classes (well, a DVD).

Total cost: $4.00 (for salad and ice cream) thanks to the free samples in the mail, newspapers, and grocery store.

I'd prefer to have Mike home with me every weekend, but when he does have to leave, at least I make the most of it!

Office Romance

*Some people are married to their jobs, we're just dating ours*

A couple is dating. One person decides that things aren’t really going as well they used to be and that they aren’t really as happy in that relationship as they thought they would be. The “maybe it’s time to break up” idea starts forming in the back of their mind. They have nearly reached a definite “I want out” when suddenly something happens: flowers for no reason, a real engaging conversation, or just a great doorstep scene, and the person starts to reconsider. They think “well, maybe things aren’t SO bad, I’ll stay in a little longer and see what happens.”

The “maybe, well maybe not” battle continues, sometimes for years, before any definite action is taken.

I thought I had left all of that behind when I got married. I was wrong. Apparently the mind games that go on in the dating world can also happen in the corporate world.

Lately more than ever, Mike and I have been thinking about how un-thrilled we are with what we’re doing at work. It’s not that we have bad jobs; they just don’t make us really happy anymore. We talk about when and how we can “break up” with work.
Then, this week happened.

My work bought everyone lunch and cupcakes and I had a great morning with one of my coworkers restructuring a process that has been a mess for years. It was like having one of those “engaging conversations” with my job.

Mike’s work took us to Park City and paid for an evening of zipline, alpine slide, and roller coaster rides kicked off by a nice dinner where the head of his department lathered on the flattery and praise for each individual member of the team. It was a sort of “flowers for no reason” night.

So we ended the week with a “well, maybe it’s not SO bad.”

Although, in the back of our minds we’re still thinking about breaking up. Unless an incredible "doorstep scene" raise comes along…

Land that We Love

We are celebrating the 4th of July this year by sleeping in and then attending 4 different BBQs/Picnics.

Lots of food, lots of friends and no work for 3 days.

That's what I call living the American Dream.

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

Hitchcock

I've seen the movie "The Birds" twice. While I appreciate Hitchcock's contribution to cinematic history and have enjoyed some of his other films, this one really didn't do it for me. It might have been the people I watched it with or something, I don't know. But I think if I were to see it again now, I would have a much better appreciation for it. Why? Because now I've lived it.

For the past 2 weeks every day after work, and sometimes at lunch too, when I have walked out of the parking garage at my office this little blackbird has swooped down towards me and continued to fly near me until I reach my car. Each day he has gotten a little closer.

Two days ago I was on guard, looking for him as I careful walked out. At first I didn't see him. Then I turned my head to see his sharp beak coming at full speed straight for my face. I turned and ducked quick enough to feel his wings brush against my head.



Like the silly characters in the movie, I tried to think that there was nothing to it. I was overreacting and anyway it was just one bird that was acting crazy.

Then yesterday, as I cautiously made my way to my car, once again the blackbird dived dangerously close to my head. As he passed me on the right, suddenly a second one passed just as close on the left.

They're grouping together now. This can't be good.

Monday Morning

This morning we woke up with sore backs, pulled muscles, sprains, bruises and sunburns.

Consequences of the awesome weekend we had jogging, golfing, swimming, and playing soccer.

I love summertime.

Election 2008

For those who are still undecided as to who they should vote for in November:

I dreamt last night that I was at a huge informal party with tons of people there. As I was walking around and mingling I noticed that also there were John McCain, Bill, Hillary and Chelsea Clinton, and Barack Obama. Here were my interactions with each:

John McCain - As I sat down with a plate of finger food he walked up and introduced himself with a nice handshake. There were about 10 seconds of small talk before he left. Nothing really memorable.

The Clintons - After John walked away Bill slid over to me (I think we were on a bench or something). He shook my hand but held on a little too long before finally pulling away. And he was a little too close when talking to me that it was uncomfortable. The other Clintons were mingling in other parts of the room. He said that Chelsea could sure use a friend like me around as she travels the country helping her mom out. I said an opportunity to go on someone else's tab and visit all the cool places of this country, yeah I'd go with her. But then he said I'd have to cover my own travel expenses so I shook my head no and he walked away.

Obama - I actually never spoke to him. He didn't circle the room like the others but waited for the people to approach him. I did watch for a few minutes though while he and my brother had a contest of who could tuck in their high fashion dress shirts the quickest. My brother's got caught on his belt so Obama won.

I'm Shaina Burgoyne and I approve this message.

525,600 Minutes

Yesterday was our one year anniversary! Yeah!

So, in commemoration, here is a sonnet - the most romantic of all poetic forms.
It might not be in 100 % perfect iambic pentameter, (Shakespeare even fudged it sometimes) but everything else is true to form - and any one who really scans it to check is an even bigger English dork than me.

So here it is:
*uh hum*

It has been one year since the day we wed
which means fifty-two weeks of marriage bliss.
Day one had begun when our vows were said,
three sixty-five was still sealed with a kiss.

"Newly weds" no more for us, we are wise
and know the secrets, the "don't"s and the "do"s
so we can bless others with our advice -
help them to be a Perfect Couple too.

Be sure that stress and conflicts will befall,
but a quality mattress will cure all.

The Black! The White! The Blue!

June 3rd 2008 marked the closing of a chapter in history, the final day of the Groves Family at West Jordan High School. Their legacy, like most great things, started small. In 1995 Allan was the first to enter the dull brown brick building with gleaming white and blue lockers, a nervous 15 year old sophomore. Shaina, Elise, and Carynn all followed in his wake. In 2008, proof of the presence the family name had held over the years was seen as Riley accepted his diploma. An almost unanimous shout of "RY-MAN" echoed through the stands. The moment was so empowering that as Riley literally danced his way off the stage, the entire audience sat in stunned silence.

Undoubtedly, the Groves siblings have left their mark at WJHS, both individually and collectively. The following are a few statistics showing the influence of WJHS in the Groves household, and of the Groves on the Home of the Jaguars:



Consecutive years at WJHS: 13 (1995-2008)

Cumulative years attending WJHS: 15

Student Drivers to pass and be licensed: 5

Locker combinations remembered: 25+

Hours of Seminary attended: 2,400 +

Parent/Teacher meetings attended: 30+

Prom Dates: 10

Concerts, shows or other performances attended: 300 +

Lunch breaks taken: 3,000 +

Hours of "Pomp and Circumstance" endured: 10 + (Classes of 1998, 2000, 2002, 2005, 2008)



*numbers are estimates only

50 Nifty United States

A "newsletter" from a business associate at my work comes in the mail every month or so. It's usually just random silly stuff that he finds interesting. This month there was an article on some of the crazy laws on Utah books. I thought I would share some of them with you. And for you out-of-staters, I've included proof that the legal system is whacked out where you are too.

Utah:
It is illegal not to drink milk. (Actually this one makes sense. Especially if chocolate chip cookies are involved.)
It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon. (I see where they're coming from, but how enforcable is this really?)
Birds have the right of way on all highways.
A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence. (This opens so many doors ...)
It is a felony to persistently tread on the cracks between paving stones on the sidewalk of a state highway (or you'll break your mamma's back)
It is considered an offense to hunt whales (uh, desert)
Alcohol may not be sold during an emergency (that's what 72 hour kits are for)
It is illegal to cause a catastrophe.

In Kaysville - You must have identification to enter a convienence store after dark.
In Logan - Women may not swear.

California:
Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.
Women may not drive in a house coat. (Only in Hollywood would there be official fashion laws)

Colorado:
The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park. (what grade level is your dog's reading at?)
It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor. (Sugar, eggs, sure. But there must be limits.)

Pennsylvania:
You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth. (I'd like to see someone catch one with their mouth!)
You may not sing in the bathtub (That's why Mike likes it so much here!)

Oklahoma:
Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property. (Again with dogs. If you've seen my parent's dog, you'll know they really aren't the smartest species out there.)
Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another’s hamburger.

Texas:
A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. (That's why there is no "CSI: Houston")

Wyoming:
You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit. (shh! Be very quiet... we're photographing wabbits.)

Arizona:
It is illegal to manufacture imitation cocaine. (those purists!)
When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person posseses (fair is fair, after all).

*I got these from www.dumblaws.com if you want to check out more!
** Also check out how smart you are at
http://www.lizardpoint.com/fun/geoquiz/usaquiz.html

As if! It is so true!

So do you like ever have one of those days where you totally know that it's like a perfect hair day?
OMH I like totally had the most perfect of perfect hair days on Monday. I was like doing stuff around my house or whatever and it was like 7:00 at night and I happened to walk past a mirror and it was like Whoa! check out that hair! So of course to my husband I was like "look at how great my hair is today!" and he was like "uh-huh" or whatever, but I mean, he's like a guy so whatever, he doesn't get it.
But really, it was like SO totally soft and straight and clean. I mean it's almost always clean, but by the end of the day it's like never all straight and usually it only looks good, like really good, for the first hour of the day and or whatever and then it's like way blah for the rest of the day.
So like a day when it's perfect all day and I didn't even go to the salon or anything is like seriously one of the best days of my life, like ever!

What's in a name

Don't you think that names are so interesting?

My dad knew a guy whose name was Harry Pitts. I knew a girl who married a Skank (but what about a Harry Skank?). Burgoyne isn't too wierd - although now telemarketers can't pronouce either my first or last name.

On the day I got married my father-in-law took the time to tell me how important the Burgoyne name is and what a heritage I have to live up to.

Have you ever known someone who lived up to their name perfectly?

Mike and I gained a niece this weekend. Her parents were kind enough to give her the normal name of Isabelle. I wondered if she was the only Isabelle Burgoyne out there, and if not what did history have to reveal about her? So I did what any other person would do and I googled her. It was so much fun that I googled the names of my other neices and nephew too. Here's what I found:

Madelynne Burgoyne - No one else in history seems to have that name. (I knew she was one of a kind!)
Elijah Bell - if history repeats he will most likely be an anesthesiologist or a baptist pastor. (his fascination with things that hurt and kill turn to ways of healing and salvation?)
Hannah Burgoyne - born in Boston in 1713 and now has a facebook page (that I can access if I create an account, it's free and easy!).
Leah Bell - Studied art in Italy for years and now has her own studio on the east coast. (That might make her my favorite now).
Isabelle Burgoyne - only daughter of the revolutionary war general, scorned Adam O'Brian during their love affair. (Watch out for those Irish men!)

I know you're all going to go google your own names now, let me know what kind of heritage you have to follow! (There is no other Shaina Burgoyne, in case you were wondering. Guess I'll have to write history myself).

It's written in the stars

Today is the first day of the Gemini period in the zodiac calendar.
Here's a shout out to all my fellow twins:
(Especially Brigham Young, Marilyn Monroe, Alanis Morissette and my father-in-law Bill who were all born on the very best of the Gemini days - June 1st!)

We are*:
Adaptable and versatile
Communicative and witty
Intellectual and eloquent
Youthful and lively
Nervous and tense
Superficial and inconsistent
Cunning and inquisitive

We like:
Talking
Novelty and the unusual
Variety in life
Multiple projects all going at once
Reading


We dislike:
Feeling tied down
Being in a rut
Mental inaction
Being alone

*source: some astrology website I googled. I really didn't make it up, I promise. It's eerily accurate though.

I've been working on the railroad

Our weekend adventure was so great, it deserved a soundtrack! So feel free to hum aloud as you read! (You might have to be a little creative with the rhythym but I'm sure you can figure it out, you're smart enough).

I've been living in Utah, all my live long day.
But I've not seen all the landmarks that make this place so great.
So I took a little venture
with my husband dear
So we took a little venture
to see the history here!

Promontory Point! Promontory Point!
With the Golden Spi-i-ike!
Promontory Point! Promontory Point!
with the Golden Spike!

Someone's in the picture of history, someone's in the picture I kno-o-ow.
Someone's in the picture of history, it's great grandpa Grenville!
He's singing "fee-fi-fiddly-high-oh, tickets-fees-I'm-in-the-dough-oh! Fee-fi-fiddly-high-oh!" That's grandpa Grenville!

(*applause*)
Thank You.
We really did have a great time watching the re-enactment of the spike, better than we expected. And it was cool to learn that my great grandpa was part of the ceremony! He's the one circled in the photo. The national parks brochure says he was the Cheif Engineer for the Union Pacific. Sounds pretty important to me.

"Shaina, I think I hear the train coming!"

Yeah, it's a real steam locomotive and yeah, we really got to see it speeding down the tracks, and yeah, it was cool.

This time I mean it

I'VE HAD ENOUGH! I can't take even more one day of it. All the whining and complaining, the feeling sorry and making up excuses. It's the same thing every day and of course it never changes because NO ONE MAKES IT CHANGE!
Well, baby get ready, because it's changing RIGHT NOW!

That's right. I'm done walking past the glass doors at work and noticing what has gradually worked over me. I'm done starting a program and giving up 2 weeks later. I'm done "taking a water break" after only 10 minutes of playing any sport or outside game. And I am most certainly done squeezing into those capri pants from High School until I can BUTTON THEM UP and BREATHE at the same time!

I bought the MP3 player ($20 at Overstock.com) and loaded it up with songs.
I bought the Hello Kitty digital watch with timer ($6 Target).
I found the training program (Google "couch to 5k")
And I set the goal: The Deseret Morning News Days of '47 5K run on July 24th.

I will train and I will run this race.

ARE YOU WITH ME?

GOOOAAAL!

Our little family is big on themes. And the theme of this weekend has been a soccer one. It started with a friday evening picnic and pick-up soccer game we had with Mike's sister, her husband, and their little ones. It ended with us going to the Real Salt Lake game (our local major league soccer team, pronounced Ree-al)and Mike splurging on good tickets because they were playing LA Galaxy with David Beckham.

(side note: at first we were a little skeptical about all the hype around Beckham, but after clearing a goal from the middle of nowhere and then a picture perfect free-kick goal, we too are now believers. If even if he is an arrogant brit who takes his shirt off and walks late onto the field because he can and if he has a high-pitched femmy voice. He still is one of the best in the game.)

Both nights we had a great time. And I noticed a few similarities and differences between the games:
* Both nights there were moments of unsportsmanship. One night yellow cards were given out, the other just good old time-outs on the blanket.
* Friday night, Eli (my 4yr old nephew), got upset that his team wasn't winning so he threw a tantrum and pushed another player down. Saturday, Donovan from LA did the exact same thing.
* Both nights I found myself cheering just a little for the other team because of really good plays they made.
* The MLS didn't really have the challenge of one of their players being 7 months pregnant, or of a toddler who kept picking up the goal and walking away with it.
* The family league didn't have a problem with cocky players, stupid refs or annoying fans.
* Both nights I ending the evening looking forward to the time (hopefully soon) when we get to do that again.


Proof that we were there with Beckham and #10 from Real, one of Mike's favorites, taking a nice one in the face.
(second side note: the best way to get tickets to Real is through KFC for a discount price or through a Happenings coupon book for an even better discount. And call us if you're going so we can join you!)

Vacation Report

For our Spring Break Vacation my family went to Ocala Florida. We visited Papa and Grandma Eleanor Openhowski. They were really nice. Everything in their house is green or pink or has flowers on it. We spent one day at Silver Springs where we got to go on TWO boat rides and the boats have glass on the bottom so you can see the fishes and stuff. We saw tons of alligators! It was cool. I was a little scared of the alligators, but Mike wasn’t, he's brave. The next day we went to Universal Studios, just Mike and me. It was pretty cool we went on some good rides and ate funnel cake. I really liked the Men in Black one and Mike liked the Mummy one. It was a good day, but I heard Mike said it was “highway robbery” when he paid for the ticket to get in. After that we went to eat at The Hard Rock Cafe. It’s one of my favorite places and Mike even let us order a chocolate milkshake to share! The rest of the time that we were there was spent watching tv or reading books or playing dominoes and stuff. And lots of sleeping in. I liked that. The best part of our Spring Break vacation was when Papa kissed me on top of the head before we went to "Palooloo Land”(that means bedtime). He said I wasn’t really part of the family before that, but he thought I was nice enough that he’d let me into the gang. I like Florida and can’t wait until we get to go back!

Scheduled Outage

Have You Seen Me?

Michael Burgoyne was last reported seen on the campus of BYU last week moving from computer lab to computer lab as they were each being shut down for the night. His wife says she misses him and wants him to come home soon. She thought finals were tough when she was still a student, but now thinks this is much worse.

Baby Hogs

Both of my sisters-in-law are expecting babies this year. I also have cousins on both sides of my family that are pregnant. Of the 15 "friends" with blog links listed on this page, 8 of them have either had a baby in the past year, or will have one before the end of the year. And then I got an email from a old co-worker this morning announcing to our office that she's expecting her 2nd child.
Ok, so what, right? I mean it makes sense that most people around my age are in the child-bearing stage of their life. And I am happy for them and their little bundles.
But Mike and I were talking this morning about how we're living in the last days. Who knows how much longer this world is even going to exist.
What if they are sending down the last shift of the entire human population right now? What if they run out of babies to send down before we're ready to have one?

So to all my reproducing friends out there I say:
Dudes, save some for the rest of us, ok?

The Big Day

He looks forward to it all year long. For a week leading up to it he couldn't help but check the weather reports as often as possible. When Sunday morning finally arrived he got out of his bed early, full of anticipation, and looked out the window... a few light clouds and lots of sunshine, perfect! All other activities of the day were mere formalities to be endured. When evening came, the dinner table was set and the family gathered around it. Amidst the chatter and commotion of plates being passed and food being dished it was likely that no one else even noticed the significance of the moment. But he did. One small tear gently rolled down Mike's cheek as he took the first bite of that perfectly browned and seasoned, tender and succulent morsel of sirloin steak.

BBQ Season had begun.

In Memoriam

Friends and Family, it was 18 years ago today that Riley Haymes Groves entered this experience we call life.

As he passes from boy to man today (at least in his ability to be drafted to war, buy cigarettes, and be tried as an adult for crimes) it is appropriate to look back on his now vanished childhood. Here are a few of my favorite memories:

- The day he was born when mom and dad called to tell us it was a boy (before ultrasounds were standard) the sisters were all very excited, and the older brother just said "I guess that's OK, but now I'll have to share a room with it."

- As a tot his eyes were so big compared to the rest of his head we called him Headlights.

- As a toddler we could say any words in the right tone of "who wants to go do this?" and he would excitedly yell "ME!" Mom didn't buy it for passing off chores on to him though.

- When he was 6 his sisters made him get married to the 7 year old girl across the street. It was a beautiful garden wedding.

- When he was 8 a friend of his and him went all around the neighborhood selling their autographs. They figured when they both became professional baseball players later in life those signatures would be worth millions.

- When he was 10 we could get him to do anything we wanted by threatening to have his older brother put him in the "Allan Tangler" wrestling hold. He tried to counter-threaten with the "Riley Wrangler" but it was just like the Allan Tangler and we were all bigger than him.

- When he was 14 he tried to slam dunk a Nerf ball into the basket on his door but hit his chin on the door instead and needed stitches.

- When he was 17 he tried to show up his brother and brothers-in-law in a basketball game but broke mom's plant pot in the driveway instead.

Now all of those silly, childish, and a little bit embarrassing things are behind him as he moves into adulthood (especially breaking mom's pot last week, thank goodness.) And we mourn the passing of time as the baby of our family is now all grown up!

Happy Birthday Riley!

Please leave any memories you have of Riley, if you've ever met him that is. Or you can just make up a memory too, that's cool.

Cake in a bowl in a ball?

This week on the Discovery Channel: Great Inventions that Someone Else Got Rich From.

Tonight we bring you a story about "could have been". Many of the world's best products and companies started with pure luck or mistake, and someone smart enough and brave enough to perfect the idea and take it to the general public. But what of those who had the luck but never made something out of it?

Such is the story of Shaina and Becca, two college roommates. One weekend a group had gathered at their apartment and Shaina had the idea to bake a cake to help feed the mass. She grabbed a chocolate cake mix, threw in the oil and eggs and had it in the oven in no time.

When the timer sounded, Becca got up to help Shaina, unaware of what her actions would lead to.

The cake looked perfect as the girls pulled it from the oven. Becca suggested that they let it cool for a few minutes before serving it to everyone. Shaina tried to wait, but her impatience got the best of her. But as she tried to get the cake out of the pan, the whole thing crumbled into a mess on the counter. Becca, in a moment of inspiration, grabbed a large bowl and said "let's just put it in this and we'll eat it popcorn style!"

Cake-in-a-bowl, as the treat was dubbed, became a favorite among the girls and their friends. They even tried mixing in or dipping frosting and other variations. Unfortunately, that's where their ambition ran out. They never realized what potential their treat could have with just a few refinements.

Years later, at a St. Patrick's Day dinner, Shaina discovered Cake Balls. Someone had taken the Cake-in-a-bowl idea and perfected it by adding cream cheese and a chocolate coating.

Now there are millions of online recipes and someone else has even built an entire company around producing and selling Cake Balls.

As delicious as these confections are however, for Becca and Shaina they will always be a little bitter-sweet as they ask themselves, what part of the Cake Ball fortune could have been theirs?

C is for Chocolate

Hi. My name is Shaina Burgoyne and I'm a chocoholic.
I enjoy chocolate in almost all forms and textures. I like white chocolate, dark chocolate and milk chocolate. I like swiss, italian or even good ol' Hersheys. I've had chocolate with crushed red peppers in it and liked that too. Chocolat is one of my favorite movies (all about chocolate and Johnny Depp!). But of all the varities of chocolate out there, I am especially fond of the chocolate that I can drink, specifically Hot Chocolate and Chocolate Milk. This time of year is always a little sad for me, as the temperatures get warmer and the sun gets brighter, and I know that it's time to put my Hot Chocolate Mug back on the shelf until next October.
To mark this turn of the seasons, I found a story that teaches us the true meaning of hot chocolate.

A group of graduates, well established in their careers, decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints about stress in their work and lives. Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups - porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the hot chocolate.

When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said: "Notice that all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. The cup that you're drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup; but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's cups.

Now consider this: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life. The cup you have does not define, nor change the quality of life you have. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot chocolate God has provided us. God makes the hot chocolate, man chooses the cups. The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything that they have. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. And enjoy your hot chocolate.

Sentenced for 9 more months, no parole

We found out on Wednesday that it was time to renew our lease for our apartment and that we had to decide by Friday. So we listed the pros and cons of staying where we are or moving somewhere new. This morning we met with the landlord and renewed the lease until 12/31/2008/. So if you haven't visited us in our humble home yet, shame on you, but you still have time to make it up. And if you have visited us, you know it's worth coming again. And our address isn't changing, so all of you out-of-staters can still send us packages and letters!

But don't procrastinate! I'm hoping that by the next time the lease is up we'll have become ridiculously rich and run away to Hawaii. You can still visit us there.

Top Crossword Champs Set a New Record

Mike and Shaina Burgoyne set a new time record in the Online Crossword Challenge this week. The couple started competing as a team less than a year ago, but have shown great potential in the crossword world. They realized that potential Monday night as they completed the "Pedal to the Medal" puzzle in a record time of 6 minutes and 54 seconds.

"I think teamwork is really what brought us this victory," Shaina said in a press conference after the win, "I was at the keyboard, but Mike was watching the clock."

The Burgoynes say it is has become a tradition of theirs to do a crossword puzzle challenge almost every night. "Some games you feel like you're guessing on every letter, and then there are the ones like this where everything just goes right" Mike commented. Mike and Shaina hope that this current time record is broken again before long, and challenge any one else to try to break it before they do.

Winning Crosword Puzzle with record breaking time

Stay Tuned

Dear Readers,
I changed the background. That should be proof that I am still aware of my blogging duties. I apologize to those of you have been checking back once or even twice a day for the past six days only to find I haven't added anything new. I truly do understand how frustrating that is. I promise to post something new and exciting in the upcoming day or two, as soon as I can remember (or make up) something new and exciting that has happened in our life.
Until then, I appreciate your patience.

Best Regards,

Head Blogger

Your Opinion Please

When is comes to picking out what movie to watch, we usually narrow it down to 2 or 3 choices: Guy Film, Chic Flick, or Other. The breakdown of desire to watch a certain genre is almost always like this:

Mike - Guy Film 80% Other 16% Chic Flick 6%
Shaina - Guy Film 22% Other 3% Chic Flick 75%

And since Shaina's desire to see a guy film is never her top choice,but it is greater than Mike's desire to see a chic flick, that's what they watch 90% of the time. (8% of the time Mike is willing to see a chic flick but not because of the movie, he has alterior motives for after movie, and 2% of the time there is no guy film or chic flick worth watching at the time so they watch whatever is on the channel that they already have the tv set to).

There is some insight into why Mike has such a disdain for Chic Flicks. Many of them, he argues, contain a plot line where one character (usually the woman), despite good intentions, does bad things, specifically lying, that advance her relationship with someone she is interested in.

Examples:
While You Were Sleeping: Lucy lies about her connection to Peter because she doesn't want to hurt the family's feelings, but this lie helps her get closer to Jack.
Beau Jest: Sarah lies to her family about Dave and Chris to protect their feelings, but this lie helps her get closer to Dave.
Sabrina: Lionus lies to Sabrina about everything to proect the family fortune, but this lie helps him get close to her.

It is this underlying theme of deception for affection that most bothers Mike, and fuels his dislike of Chic Flicks.

We would like to hear other's thoughts on these related questions:

1. Why does lying to win hearts seem like such a common thread?
2. What guy films have this same thread in them, but we don't notice it because of all the explosions, chases, and deaths?

Please Respond!

On the job hunt??

Our trip to Denver was great! As much fun as we thought it would be. What we didn't expect was how being there would boost our resumes too! Here are some of the skill sets we picked up and defining characteristics we noticed during our time away:

Education:
- Completed a 20 minute course by Maddy on the foods we eat, visual aids provided by the Strawberry Shortcake coloring book.
- Attended an exclusive exhibit on Renaissance Art, successfully enjoying the displays despite having Hannah call out our names every few minutes just to make sure we were still in the room.
- Had an exclusive one one one training session on why Mormons are the best parents (their kids are never misbehaved) and why it is wrong to cheat on your husband or be rude to your mother-in-law. Presented by the random old lady in JoAnn's Fabric Store.

Experience:
- Survived a morning on Lookout Mountain by following deer tracks until we spotted a doe, and making a waterproof shelter out of logs and pine needles big enough for 2 toddlers to fit into.
- Provided counsel, advice, and text message deciphering to Ben, a single adult in the area, as he navigated his next move with "Highlands Ranch Girl."

Skills:
- Mike was proven to be the best "play horse" in the region, especially noted for his extensive portfolio including "dead horse, sick horse, and run away horse."
- Shaina is proficient in selecting all the wrong fabrics for completing a quilt, confirming that the quilter's first choice was the right one.
- Mike has high but volatile bowling scores.
- Shaina bowls a consistent 94 every game.
- Tested "Excellent" in swing pushing, the Ball in the Bucket Challenge, and putting together tricky hard princess puzzles.


Weaknesses:
- Statistically unable to win at group games, most notably hand and foot.
- Our departure may cause temporary crying and even the wetting of oneself. Time for full recovery is less than a day.
- Tendency to forget to take the camera on significant outings or put batteries in it resulting in a lack of fun pictures to post on the blog.

Now we're back to our boring work and school routines. But now that our resume is a little more impressive maybe we can find jobs that make us feel less inclined to desperately run away so much.

A word from our sponsors

I promise to write about our weekend in Denver later. But in the meantime, if you are in the Salt Lake area and need an idea for something to do this weekend, here's a suggestion or two:

Art:
A local artist (who happens to be one of our favorite cousins!) is opening an exhibit of some of her most recent works. It's a small exhibit in the back of a hair salon, but don't think that means that the quality of work on display will be anything less than what you'd find at a studio showing in NY. You gotta start somewhere.

See more at www.rachelmaydodge.com

Entertainment:
A favorite play has made it to the big screen! It's a great little romantic comedy that seems to be getting good reviews. It was filmed mostly in Utah with most of the crew and production staff being local (a few friends and family members helped). It's being tested here before opening nationally. It's a chic flick, but not too cheesy or unbearable. And you know that a good chic flick can have good consequences later!

Check it out at www.beaujestmovie.com

*Mike and Shaina were not compensated for their publicity efforts of these two events. If Rachel May or the producers of Beau Jest would like to change that, please contact the Burgoynes immediately.

V Day in D town

Saturday, Lunchtime:

M: So what are you going to do the rest of the day?
S: I don’t know, laundry I guess. Probably watch some t.v. You?
M: Homework.
S: Boy are we exciting.
M: Our life kinda seems stuck in a rut doesn't it?
S: You’re just too busy with school full time and work full time. I'm too bored with just work and then nothing to do afterwards. But we’re trying to save money, so we can’t really go do anything anyway.
M: Yeah, I guess we’ll just have to stay in this rut for awhile longer and just endure it.


Later that day:
(Shaina, out of pure boredom, is taking a nap on the couch)
M: Wake up I have to ask you something!
S: What?
M: Do you want to go to Denver?
S: When?
M: Next week!
S: Really?
M: Yep, I found a deal online and we can use my frequent flyer miles. We’d stay with Will and Sarah. So we’d hardly have to pay for a thing!
S: Ummm..
M: C’mon! Let’s do something spontaneous. Let’s break out of our rut!
S: I'm a planner. I never do anything spontaneously. Ever. ……..oh what the heck let’s book it!

So, it looks like we’re taking a spur-of-the moment weekend trip to Denver.
We’re unpredictable!
Living life on the edge!
Giving in to our wild inhibitions!
Watch Out - there’s no telling what we’re going to do next!

Wow, what a rush. I feel a little light headed.

Tag #2

So I usually don't fill these out and pass them on when they come through my email, but I figured that with a blog it's different. It's more proactive on the readers' side to come and look at what I wrote instead of me filling up their email boxes. Plus I was a little flattered that I got tagged 2 times on the same day by different people! So if you don't like these kinds of things, I understand and won't be hurt if you skip past them. But if you're bored or want to learn something new about me read on!

1. What was the best thing you cooked last week?
I made some home made fried rice that was really good with some costco egg rolls.
2. If money, time and babysitting were no object, where would you go and with who? Mike has already promised to take me on a cruise, to Hawaii and back to Italy so any combination of those with just my "traveling companion" Mike and me.
3. When was the last time you cried? Saturday, watching President Hinckley's funeral. His chair just looked so empty!
4. Five things you were doing 10 years ago?
1- I was a sophomore at West Jordan High School
2- I had my first kiss
3- I was enjoying life without braces or glasses (hence the first kiss I think)
4- I got my first promotion ever at work from cashier to shift manager
5- I was in my first car accident and got my first ticket!

5. Five things you were doing 5 years ago?
1- I was turning in my mission papers
2- Going on my first date with Mike
3- Working part time at the Creamery (I met Lavell Edwards, Merrill Bateman and Reno Mahe there!)
4- Hating everything Italian, especially the 202 language class I was in at BYU
5- Hanging out with the girls of Alta 312!!

6. Five things you were doing 1 year ago?
1- Planning the wedding
2- Working in the yard for the wedding
3- Saving all my money for the wedding
4- Working at the same place I'm at now doing the same thing I do now
5- Seeing Mike as much as possible

7. Seven of your favorite hobbies (in no order):
1- Playing Soccer
2- going to/participating in plays
3- camping
4- Playing card games
5- watching BYU football
6- sending letters and packages to people
7- Blogging

8. Five favorite foods:
1- Pasta
2- Chocolate Milk
3- Hot Chocolate
4- Chocolate Chip Cookies
5- Brownies

Five places you’ve been:
1- Italy and Sicily
2- Paris
3- New York
4- Mt. Rushmore
5- Yellowstone

10. Five favorite memories: (in no particular order)
1- When I knew I wanted to marry Mike
2- The day I married Mike (It really was perfect!)
3- Teaching Franca Cicciarelli and watching her get baptized and confirmed
4- Family vacations growing up
5- Mike's first Sunday Evening with my family

Tag #1

What is your husband's name? Michael Adam Burgoyne
How long have you been together? Well our first date was in 2003 but we really started dating in April 2006.
How long did you date? 9 short months, engaged for 5 long months, and now have 9 good months behind us.
Who eats more? Mike. Not that I can't pack it in when I want, but he is a guy after all.
Who said I love you first? Mike drove to Salt Lake from Provo at 11:00pm because he HAD to tell me that before he left early the next morning for a 2 week trip back East. Sweet, huh?
Who is taller? Mike is taller than me, and I may be a little taller than one of my sisters, but that's about it for both of us.
Who has more speeding tickets? He has 1 from that stupid part of Provo where you can only drive 20 mph. I've wiggled my way out of any I could've gotten so far.
Who is smarter? I got better grades in school, but he kicks my butt in scrabble, so how can you tell?
Who is more sensitive? I call it sensitive, Mike calls it moody.
When there is a fight who usually wins? The few we've had have been no-one-can-win-so-we-both-have-to-deal-with-it kinds of fights.
Who does the laundry? I do all the laundry, Mike takes out all the trash. We're both happy.
Who does the dishes? Whoever gets sick of the dirty kitchen first.
Who sleeps on the right? Mike's on the right I'm on the left and we both like to sleep facing our appropriate walls. So unromantic.
Who pays the bills? we have some coming from my bank and some from his for now.
Who mows the lawn? Wouldn't it be nice to have a lawn!
Who drives when you are together? Mike.
Who is more stubborn? I call it sensitive, Mike calls it stubborn.
Who kissed who first? He kissed me first, but he was so nervous he asked my permission and it was a horribly awkward kiss. We've made up for it since.
Who asked who out first? He asked first and 3 years later he asked first again (with the help of Becca, I owe her one!)
Who proposed? He picked the ring, planned how to suprise me with it, planned the after party, and popped the question. But I said yes.
Who has more siblings? I win by one! Unless being a twin counts for something, because Mike is one. But they're not identical, so maybe it's not that special after all.

Umm, oops.

Sometimes Mike has to go out of town on business. Shaina doesn't usually mind (unless it's for 4 weekends in a row and they've only been married a month). In fact it's nice to be able to watch all the TLC and chic-flicks she wants. Last weekend it worked out especially well that Mike went to New Jersey when he did because he was able to treat his mom to dinner and see an old friend from High School.(Yes, his mom still lives in Pennsylvania, but you see in the East it takes a lot less than 5 hours to cross the state lines).
To keep Shaina from getting too lonely, her sister-in-law Becca came over Saturday afternoon with toddlers in tow for some quality food, crafts, and girl talk. It was a calm and pleasant weekend for everyone!
That is, of course, until Shaina woke up Sunday morning and found her kitchen floor covered in water. She opened the freezer and yep, the frozen veggies were just soggy veggies. Must have been the freezer that busted, she thought. She called the maintenance number for their apartment complex and the guy said with all the snow problems he was dealing with it would be a good day or two before he could replace the freezer. What was Shaina going to do with the food until then?
Aha! Her girls camp skills kicked in and she had the brilliant idea of putting everything in the snow on the porch to stay cold. So she moved everything she could from the freezer to the porch and went to church feeling resourceful and clever. Her pioneer ancestors would be proud.
Later that day her brother showed up so they could carpool to a family dinner. She grabbed her contribution to the meal out of the fridge and noticed that it didn't feel as cold as it should. The fridge must have busted too. So she added the milk, cheese, eggs and other perishables to the pile on the porch, packed more snow around them and was off. Late that night as Mike was back, she was showing him all that happened when he was gone and how smart she was to put everything in the snow. She opened the fridge and noticed something she hadn't seen before. The little knob for setting the temperature in the fridge was turned all the way to zero. An image from the night before flashed in her head: little Eli going around the kitchen pushing every button and turning every knob that he could find.
She turned the knob back to 4 and heard the buzz of the fridge kicking back on.
She spent the next half hour taking the food out of the snow and returning it to the fridge.
If she had checked that knob earlier, she sure could have saved herself a lot of trouble. That Shaina just ain't so bright sometimes.

By Request

Some have asked that we post more of the lost but now found wedding pics. So out of more than 900, there are a few of the best in a handy-dandy slide show on our blog

(there on the side------>)

So sit back, relax, and enjoy! But watch closely, you may recognize more faces than you think!

Note: Near the end there is a picture of a very elderly looking couple. They are the Waites, and Brother Waite was the man who performed our wedding ceremony.

The case of the missing wedding pictures

When she first discovered the injustice of the missing wedding photos, she knew she wouldn't be able to rest until there was restitution. She knew the key to solving this was Mr. Barney, the elusive owner of Simply Photography.
She could only start with the few leads she had and try to build from there. Things weren't easy. Websites were out of order, phone lines were dead. And any government agency was protecting themselves with a "please allow 60 days for a response" clause. 60 days was out of the question.
She thought she had finally got a break when she got a hold of a new list of phone numbers and addresses from a contact at the local news channel's investigative team (Thanks Gephardt). But the information wasn't all positive. Simply Photography had filed bankruptcy in September. Even if she did contact them, there a was a chance that they would no longer have any of the files that contained the missing pictures.
Things were starting to look bad. There was still no response to any of the phone calls, a visit to the office where Mr. Barney was supposedly employed was a waste as he hadn't been seen there in 4 months. She was getting discouraged, but not ready to give up yet. Her last resort was to visit the Barney's home address and confront them face to face.
The morning before she was going to make her visit, she got an email from the Barneys. One of the government agencies she had filed with came through. A cd with the wedding pictures would be in the mail that afternoon.
The Burgoyne's got the cd a few days later, and to their joy and relief, this time it had the right pictures.



Another case closed, another happy ending.

Practice makes perfect and fish are cheaper than kids

About 4 months ago Mike and Shaina became the proud adoptive parents of a fish. It is a pretty betta with beautiful pink and peach flowing fins. But it's a boy. So they named it Dagger.
It seems to have a normal and happy life in its fish bowl for one, furnished with plastic flowers. Mike and Shaina could have been nominated for the Fish Parents of the Year award if it wasn't for this past month.
The temperature in the Draper area has been particularly cold the last few weeks, and in order to conserve energy and cash, the Burgoyne's have been turning the heat down in their home during the day while they are both at work and at night while they are sleeping.
One morning Mamma Shaina was giving little Dag his breakfast, thinking about how cold she was and she wondered if a fish could feel cold. She tested his water, it was pretty chilly. A good google search later that day informed her that Betta fish are native to Indonesia, go figure. And the water there averages about 75-80 degrees all year long.
Now the Burgoyne's are stuck with a parenting dilemma. How can they keep their Dagger cozy and warm like he should be during the bitter winter?
Mamma Shaina has tried a few things, but isn't confident they are the right solutions:


They did buy a space heater, it even has an automatic turn off so it wouldn't burn the house down. But what if they turn that on during the day and it becomes too warm for Dagger?

Unless they find a solution soon, poor Dag will either freeze or boil and go to the big fish bowl in the sky before it's his time.

art imitating life

Have you ever watched the show Scrubs?
Have you ever seen Mike and his friend Joel together? Or at least heard stories?

Both wives have noticed on seperate occasions similarites between their husbands and JD and Turk. (except that they are both white and neither are doctors).

Think about it.

Comissioner, put out the bat signal

The local authorities have just issued a request for the public’s help in solving a recent crime. They feel that considering the nature of this crime, quick and timely action is required to bring safety to the entire area and justice to the victims. Here is their report:

Victims: Shaina and Michael Burgoyne

Suspect: Simply Photography Co. and all associated personnel

Dates of criminal activity: 06/08/07 – present

Details of Crime:
The Burgoynes had hired the suspect to photograph the day of their wedding. A fair price was negotiated and agreed upon by both parties for the photography services as well as a specified number of prints developed professionally and a cd of all photograph proofs taken that day for the Burgoynes to use at their discretion. On the day of the wedding the photographs were taken. The week following the professional prints were developed, the proof cd distributed, and all payment received in full . In December the Burgoynes opened the proof cd for the first time. It contained 2 files: Bridals and Wedding. The bridals contained pictures of Mrs. Burgoyne taken before the wedding. The Wedding file however contained pictures of another bride, presumably another client of the suspect. No pictures of the actual wedding day were to be found anywhere on the disk.
The Burgoyne’s have attempted to contact the suspect in order to remedy the error, but have been unsuccessful. The suspect seems to have fled the area. The website indicates that the company has been shut down. The physical store is locked and inaccessible. The last known phone number is out of service. This leaves the Burgoynes without the pictures of their wedding day and without means for restitution of either product or payment.

The authorities fear that there is an unknown number of couples who have also been victimized.

If anyone has any information about the whereabouts of the suspect or where the missing wedding file may be they are asked to come forward immediately.

Our New Philosophy

During some lunch-break Christmas shopping today the following was observed:

A mild mormon mom was in the long check out line of a book store trying to keep her two small boys at bay. The older boy, maybe 5 years old, soon spotted the candy display. While the store patrons patiently waited to make their purchases, this tot verbally debated with himself the pros and cons of spending his entire $4 allowance on one large, luscious, chocolate Santa. With sprinkles. Fortunately for the boy the store was understaffed, the line slow moving, and he had plenty of time to think things over. Finally, after a lot of consideration and with determined decisiveness the little one turned to his mom and said
"You know, having chocolate is better than having money. I'm going to get it."

Smart kid. We're going to try to adopt that way of thinking in our home this Christmas Season. We hope you do the same.

Case Study 11-2007

Location: Denver, CO. The Burgoyne Family Thanksgiving of 2007.

Study Testers: Mike and Shaina Burgoyne

Study Participants (Age in years): Madelynne (4), Eli (3), Hannah (2), and Leah (1).

Objective: To observe and note particular behavioral or environmental aspects concerned in the rearing of children in preparation for the testers eventual personal experience of raising offspring, which will occur at an undisclosed future date.


Study Notes:
- Despite the frequency of wiping, a 1 year old's face will never be clean of food, snot and/or drool for more than a 3 second time frame.
- In order to avoid chaos it is vital for the parenting factors to know and remember details such as: the color of each child's sippy cup, asking about hand washing, and whose turn it is next.
- Allowing the elder subjects to skip the afternoon slumber period, even if they are quiet during it, may result subsequently in a tantrum period equal in length to the slumber period missed, but extremely more severe in decibel levels.
- Suggesting to the subjects that they may only pick on someone smaller than them will be taken seriously.(Tester Mike's idea). The result is a domino like visual experience as the biggest pushes the second biggest and so forth until all have fallen.
- Interaction with female subjects will most likely involve princesses and rainbow unicorns and everyone will live happily ever after.
- Interaction with boy subject will always involve violence and destruction and everything being killed. Even the magical snowman.*

Study Results**:
It is wise that the subjects only become more complicated as they grow older and the parenting factors have had more time to expand their understanding of the nature of the rearing process. The testers have decided to move forward with continued studies on these subjects until they are more sufficiently prepared to enter the process themselves.


Foot Notes:
* This observation was reaffirmed when the 9 year olds in church made Christmas ornaments. The girls made sure their ornaments had as much sparkle and glitter as they could. The boys made theirs into daggers.

** May it be noted that despite the cost of preparing for and executing this study (both tester vehicles experiencing repair needs immediately before departure), the testers have agreed that regardless of the study results, this was one of the best Thanksgivings either of them have experienced and would like to thank all involved for the wonderful time.

TheTerror and Torture of Halloween in Draper Utah

We didn't have extravagant plans for our first Halloween together, but what happened that night was more than unexpected. And for every one's sake, especially our own, we hope that it never happens again.

We had kicked off the our celebration of the haunting holiday innocently enough, by hosting the Second Annual Scary Dinner at the Groves home. This tradition of having a Sunday Family Dinner that resembles an array of weird, creepy and disgusting courses in an incredibly well balanced meal got it's start from a similar event Mike and his roommates would organize "back in the college days". It was well attended with witches, vampires, street punks, greasers, and one particularly strange and indescribable creature. We all at our fill of dead rats (calzones stuffed with sausage and cheese), Werewolf bellybuttons (meatballs), cat guts (baked potatoes), and chicken feet (yeah they really were chicken feet) finished with eyeballs for dessert (cupcakes with lifesavers). Check out the pictures, I'm still learning how to insert them the way I want.

But that was Sunday. Halloween was on Wednesday. Shaina spent the day at her office where the only hint that it was even a holiday was the pumpkin cookies in the breakroom and Shaina's black nail polish. The rest was business as usual. Mike's day at the office did include costumes, a pumpkin contest, and employee's kid's doing some cubicle trick or treating.

When they both got home they were looking forward to fighting off the cold October weather with a warm meal, a good movie, and the usual Halloween festivities.

Maybe it's because Draper is fairly young as far as Salt Lake City suburbs go. Maybe it's because a lot of the people moving into the new developments are out of state transplants, and those Californians are just used to doing things differently. It probably has nothing to do with the fact that the state penitentiary is just a short mile or two up the road, but that's something to think about anyway. Whatever the reason, Halloween this year was different than any other Halloween we have experienced.

Instead of the sweet youngsters knocking on doors asking for candy all night, we heard silence in the streets.

Instead of a spine-chilling thriller to watch in between candy distributing, the only thing we found to watch was Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the original movie. (Which neither of us had seen before, now we remember why).

We should have known that something with the main character named Buffy was going to be bad. But we didn't expect the scariest part of a vampire movie to be the 80's formal dresses or Luke Perry's acting.

So this message goes out as a warning to all, that others might not suffer the same fate we did:

- Don't expect kids to come trick or treating to a bunch of cheap apartments when the surrounding neighborhoods are full of really big houses that probably give out full size candy bars.

- Don't rely on cable tv to provide the best selection of movies all the time. Plan ahead. Go to Blockbuster.

And most important of all:

- If you are living in the above mentioned cheap apartments and if you foolishly think that one or two trick or treaters might possibly come to your door, don't ever, ever buy the 5lb bag of your own favorite candy to hand out. It will only lead to genuine terror when you try to put on a pair of jeans the next weekend and real torture in the gym for the next month.