Jingle Bells Batman Smells

I like Christmas songs, really I do. But as I was listening to some today, I couldn't help but think that a few of them could be updated, made a little more realistic maybe. Here's what I've got so far:

Baby it's cold outside - I really can't stay - but baby it's cold outside - I've gotta go away - fine, but for the last time, it's cold outside will you shut the door already?

and

Last Christmas I gave you a sweater, but the very next day, you gave it away (for store credit). So this year, to save me from tears, I'll give you a gift card - that's special (special).

and

Oh the weather outside is frightful! But the bills don't pay themselves. So off to work I must go! I hate driving in the snow! driving in the snow! driving in the snow!

And my personal favorite:

I got a hippopotamus butt for Christmas. And hippopotamus thighs too. I didn't work out, I only ate junk. I gotta hippopotamus butt for Christmas.

Ok I know they are still a little rough around the edges, but I sense some big hits.

Any other suggestions to add to the album?